As you may have guessed from my last few post, the last week has been a hard one. I would be willing to say that it has been more challenging than dealing with the immediate aftermath of the two ectopic pregnancies. I wrote in a previous post, that if my 2nd IVF cycle was cancelled, it would surely be the end of me. Well, since it's me typing and not a ghost writer, that did not happen. I'm here. I'm standing. I'm getting a new plan together.
Now, let's be clear. I'm not standing on my own two feet. This past week, I have been surrounded by a large group of people who stepped in and helped to prop Mr. T and I up, when it seemed to be too much for us. Here is my very public thank you to all that checked in, emailed, called and came by to hang out with Toddler T. Your help allowed us to take a deep breath and reassess and reaffirm.
Our goal is another child. And we'd like to meet that goal in the safest and most efficient way possible. So, revisiting another IVF protocol that uses Lupron did not seem to make too much sense. Nor, does it seem to make too much sense to stay with Dr. Million.pictures.on.the.wall. I will never take away that he is a very intelligent man. But this is a business and we are paying him. We gave him 6 months of our time and in the end, it just made sense to part ways.
We will start things up next month and go back to the drawing board. Full work up and a realistic reassessment of the risk associated with an IUI vs IVF. This makes me feel more in control and like the pendulum has swung back from NO HOPE toward IT MIGHT BE OK. The megaphone is there, although it has quieted some.
Dr. Neutral seems to be a better fit for us and he didn't jump right on the egg donor train.
But the biggest thing that has lifted my spirits?
He gave me hope in the innocent way that only a child can.
Mr. T and I were giving him a bath Thursday Night. It was a bubble bath and he was digging bubbles with a shovel. He put some bubbles aside and muttered. "I'm saving these for my sister." I heard it. I asked him to repeat himself a few times, but he wouldn't say it again. Then Mr. T said, "He said what you think he said, I heard it too."
It was just what I needed to hear.