Tuesday, February 7, 2012

One foot in front of the other..

In my many years as a social worker, I have told countless people that sometimes, you just need to put one foot in front of the other. I, am doing just that. I'm not sure where this path is going to take me. To be honest, I'm not sure I want to know what is around the next corner. So, for today, I am just putting one foot in front of the other. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right.

It is my only option. Crawling into bed, with my fists held angrily in the air, yelling "why me?  why me?" just doesn't fit my lifestyle. Besides, I hate to think of Toddler T seeing such a display. So, I will just let my brain imagine that's what I'm doing. In my imagination, it feels kind of nice to have such a All My Children meltdown. 

But since the only thing Susan Lucci and I share is the same hair color, I'll move on. I had the chance to speak with Dr. Specialist yesterday. He called bright and early at 8am on Monday morning. He jumped right into what we'd do differently next cycle. A huge increase in the stimulation meds and back to the Long-Lupron protocol. He told me to think things over, but that I didn't have too much time on my side. He also threw in a commentary about the quality of my eggs. His theory is that the two ectopic pregnancies may have been related to poor egg quality and not tubal issues.  I'll admit, that sounds suspect. And if I have such rotten eggs, why would I go through IVF at all??? He backed off on the donor egg conversation and told me to call with any questions.

Since he didn't give me too much time to interject, I guess it will need to be my little secret that I'm getting a second opinon. I confirmed that I have a referral to the new doctor, got an updated referral for him and checked that my medical records will be ready for me to pick up tomorrow, AFTER Tumble Bears.  I also think I'm going to revisit Traditional Chinese Medicine.  I called an accupunturist who works with infertility issues. I even ordered a copy of the Infertility Cure.  If you read my blog and have had success with either, please, please, please share. 

That's all for now. Wish me luck with the second opinion tomorrow. It would be very nice to have a hopeful doctor's appointment, following 12 consecutive months of sad, dissapointing or painful ones.


  1. Good luck with the 2nd opinion!!

    I have a friend who has poor egg quality (really high FSH) and she's moving on to donor eggs after 3 failed IVF attempts. Interestingly enough, the last 2 cycles they've opted to have no Lupron for her cycles. And although they've done 3 retrievals, they never made it to transfer.

    I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to be disappointed and not have a cycle go the way you want. Sending you a big HUG.

  2. I am a huge believer in acupuncture. I never did it when I was going through it, but I seriously wanted to. My sister goes for her lupus/RA pain and it's been helpful.

    I'm glad you're getting a second opinion. I'm wondering how doc #1 can comment on the quality of your eggs when he hasn't actually gotten far enough to actually see one yet...hmmm...