It's been a whirlwind of a week.
I apologize for leaving you all in the lurch last Saturday.
I did forewarn you that either way, it was going to be a lot to process.
So, without any further delay... Here is my recap.
I avoided every temptation to take a pregnancy test at home. I couldn't do it for two reasons. 1. We have paid out of pocket for everything for the past 3 cycles and I figured that it might be nice to save to $20 on a digital pregnancy test. 2. I was terrified of looking at a negative test. Last Sunday, I woke up and drove to the clinic, feeling completely flat. Mr. T was convinced it was going to work. I was not. I had noticed some weird things, feeling dizzy and really hungry, but I chalked it up to nerves. I had my blood drawn and drove home. As soon as I walked in the door, I realized I had all of this nervous energy and sitting in the house all day long wouldn't work. So, I announced to Mr. T that we
needed HAD to get to Home Depot to research fencing for the backyard immediately. God Bless Mr. T, because he walked straight to the backyard and started measuring.
And then the phone rang.
It was 10am.
Normally, the calls came in at 12 on a weekend and 2 on a weekday.
I stumbled through a hello and could feel my heart beating in my ears.
Truthfully, I cannot quote what the Nurse said.
I just remember hearing the words "Congratulations!"
There was a quick discussion of what medications to keep taking and when I'd come back for repeat blood work and then we hung up.
I made my way out to the backyard and yelled "IT WORKED!"
In that moment, it became so clear to me just how much this past year hurt. Stress, sadness, fear, hopelessness all vanished as I realized we accomplished the ultimate goal.
Mr. T and I then called our parents who dropped everything to come over for a celebratory Bar B Que.
( Oh, and we did go to Home Depot, looked at fencing but got a new sink and toilet for the power room instead!)
Then we began living like gypsies again. Mr. Earl our favorite handyman was back on Monday to refinish our floors and we stayed in 3 different houses over 4 nights. It was while I was at my in-laws' house that I fell down a COMPLETE flight of stairs. My mother in law (a midwife) was pretty sure that I hadn't done any harm. I told the nurse the next morning in hopes that I might have gotten an early ultrasound but no dice.
Which leads me to another reason for the big delay in posting.
I knew, from my previous ectopic pregnancies, that 1 HCG number doesn't mean anything. So when I got the news on Sunday, I decided to wait until I got the second one to post. So, I went for my second blood draw and we discussed the first ultrasound. The nurse said that the doctor would be looking for a gestational sac and to confirm that it was in the right spot. I KNEW that the odds of this being ectopic were almost nil, but she said it, and then it was out there. I decided to wait until we had that last piece of information.
OK, not to mention that there were a few people we needed to tell in person.
And, I hadn't fully thought this semi-private, semi-anonymous blog through. So, if you know me outside of my Mrs. T persona, let's just act like the girl you know is perfectly non-pregnant!
So here is where it is, I am officially 5 weeks 1 day pregnant with one little Tiny T as confirmed by my ultrasound this morning and 3 appropriately doubling HCG level.
Dr. Compassion put it best this morning when he said that he is happy where we are but are still taking everything one thing at a time. READ: Don't Haul Out All The Baby Gear Just Yet.
This is how I feel. I am taking it all in. I am delighted, my mind has quieted. I am hopeful. I am relieved but above all I am cautiously feeling all of these things.