Monday, December 26, 2011

Life Ain't All Hormones, There is Christmas too.

I am on an IVF Break.

It is funny the way your opinions change with a little distance.  When my first attempt at my first IVF cycle began to circle the drain, I couldn't imagine anything more awful. A king's ransom was just spent on drugs, I had injected myself in the stomach, in the bathroom, of three places that were not my home and I could not deal with the thought of ONE MORE FLIPPIN' DELAY.  I wanted, I needed to have this work. I felt owed a positive pregnancy test by Christmas morning. I was pretty sure I was on Santa's nice list and I asked him and every other higher power for it to come true. But no. It was not to be. My body did not want to cooperate. The decision was made. Suspend the cycle.

The nurse at the clinic tried to boost my morale (while gauging whether or not I was going completely mental).  She mentioned that at least I'd be able to enjoy the holidays without spending every other day getting bloodwork, panicking about the dreaded 2WW (two week wait) or just being immersed in a cycle. At the time, I contemplated kicking her in the shins.  I couldn't imagine a more flippant response to my situation. Putting a positive spin on this most recent setback? Was she already hitting the holiday punch? What I heard her say was "Oh relax, have some egg nog and eat a candy cane."  I left with a pit in my stomach and cried the whole way home. Yes, I even had those 'why me' thoughts. Not my finest moments.

Tonight, I'm sitting here with Mr. T. Toddler T is upstairs snuggled in with Elmo, warm jammies and a few pacifiers. (I'm aware he's getting to be on the old-ish side for the pacifiers, but I just can't face taking away his beloved BB's). I'm being reflective. We had a fantastic Christmas. Perfect mix of family time, food and holiday cheer. There were only 1 or 2 Toddler T meltdowns. And yes, I avoided one by allowing a nutritionally void Christmas dinner. Buttered rolls, m&m's and chocolate milk, is Toddler T dined on. That child did not have one nutritious thing to eat in 24 hours, and he is just fine.  We even had our prime rib leftovers on the carpet tonight. Toddler T just loves a "Picmic"

So, while I once dreaded the idea of not being involved in the IVF cycle over the holidays, I have since changed my tune. I think 2011 has been a mixed bag, to say the least. Maybe my Karma will be rejuvenated in 2012 and we be successful. I hope we are, because a 2 year old, is the best thing ever during the Holidays. Who can resist hearing "Mehwee Chwithmuth"?

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