Toddler T is upstairs sleeping and I was just taking a minute to plan out my day tomorrow. It looks a little like this:
7am- bloodwork and ultrasound
9am- Tumble Bears
10:30-1:30 - Toddler T to Nanny's house so I can clean the house top to bottom
4pm- MOMS meeting at my house.
This all looked doable until I reviewed my medication inventory. Currently, I take 3 vials of Bravelle and 1 vial of Menopur along with the microdose Lupron, two times a day. For my dose tomorrow morning, I have 2 vials of Bravelle and 1 of Menopur. So, I'm short 1 vial of medication for my morning dose. CRAP. Math was never my thing. Ever.
Ok self- don't panic. I should be able to swing by the pharmacy after my early morning appointment. The one I made super early so that I could get back in time to take Toddler T to Tumble Bears. Right, well the pharmacy doesn't open until 8:30am. So I am getting up at the crack of dawn to rush to an appointment to sit and wait at a pharmacy and in the end will miss Tumble Bears.
Is this life shattering? No.
On the one hand, thank God for modern medicine. Without this specialty field of Reproductive Endocrinology, I have no idea if I'd be able to conceive a viable pregnancy. So I am forever grateful. But it is with a heavy heart that I walk through these steps of IVF. I continue to battle the idea of logically understanding the process but struggling emotionally with what that means.
Looking back, I was so lucky with Toddler T. Mr. T and I even kept my pregnancy a secret for 12 weeks. It was our seceret and that was a special thing to share. We knew what our plan was (I'm guessing others suspected) and I even drank mocktails at a coworkers' wedding so that no one suspected a thing. Now, everything is medicinal. I am following a care plan to conceive. I hope I'm not coming across as bitter and ungrateful, I am just sad to be losing the innocence and privacy of creating a child.
I can hear some of you thinking....
BUT YOU STARTED A BLOG
YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT THIS TO YOURSELF, IF PRIVACY IS WHAT YOU ARE AFTER.
And you would be correct. I did and I have no regrets of blogging AND sharing the link with family and friends. Why? This is so far from where I ever thought I'd be. The switch from a private affair between husband and wife was flipped with my second ectopic pregnancy. All of the rules changed and I suddenly had ZERO desire to keep this private. I think in sharing, some of the weight was lifted off my shoulders. But that's not to say, that if I could have had it my way..... Well, you'd never even know we were 'trying'.