Tuesday, January 24, 2012

It happened.....

I had my first viceral reaction to a pregnancy announcement.
It was via a Facebook status update. (The announcement, not my reaction.)
I am not close at all to the girl.
I got to simply make a colorful statement to Mr. T and then move on. Well, blog about it. Then move on.

I immediatly felt guilty for my reaction.
Then I was angry over the last 12 months.
Then I was scared again.
Then I realized,  pity parties are no fun. There are no goodie bags, no delicious cake, no one makes a toast in your honor. (But there is wine!)

I can honestly say that I have not spent too much time dwelling on the "why me" moments. But once in a while, they sneak up on me. Just like an unexpected status update. The problem is, I'm not angry that someone else is pregnant. I'm sad that its not me. 

If I had to anyalyze (OK, twist my arm), my working theory would be this, as the stimulation phase of this cycle comes closer, I am hypersensitve and my anxiety is rising.  The idea of actually being pregnant with a viable pregnancy is SO close. I need to focus on the positive. This can happen. 

But damnit if there is not a little, tiny voice that says, It will be your turn soon. You deserve it.


  1. You need that little tiny voice.

    I remember coming up with reasons of why I deserved to be pregnant over other people. Talk about your visceral reactions...who did I think I was???

  2. Understandable! Why shouldn't you feel this way! Only thing is to hope, pray, cross fingers and eyes that this will work!