It is January 8th and I completely broke it. You see, my hope was to write a blog entry in a few weeks about the success of my resolution. I was planning on being very proud of myself and hopefully, helping someone who is dealing with any type of fertility treatments avoid this mistake. Since I'm not too proud of myself, I will share my broken resolution. So, since you can't learn from my tale of success.... learn from my mistakes.
In 2012 I was not going to live my life by the calendar.
"Examples, please?" you ask.
Here you go.
In 2012, was going to refrain from saying any version of the following:
- The next time I get my hair cut, I will be pregnant.
- Oh, perfect, I can wear a maternity dress to that.
- XYZ event/holiday/celebration will be OK, because I will be pregnant.
- Toddler T will be exactly (____) fill in the blank, age when his sibling arrives.
- I can't do that, because I will most likely have a doctor's appointment that day.
- I shouldn't be able to do that, because I'll probably be doing my transfer/retrieval/bed rest that day.
- By the time we have Toddler T's two and a half year old well visit, I will be pregnant and can ask the Doctor for advice on expanding a family.
You get the point. Not pretty and a little crazy.
So what did I do today? Why is my resolution broken?
Well, I looked at a sample Lupron Micro-Dose Flare Calendar and then calculated my information. This coming from a girl who has been through a cancelled cycle. I know better, I do. Red circles on a calendar mean nothing when held up against the results from an ultrasound and or blood work. But, I did it.
And guess what, it is bringing a little smile to my face to know when the 'magic' might happen.
And guess what, it is bringing a little smile to my face to know when the 'magic' might happen.
So, if I had to offer up a little Monday Morning Quarterbacking (The playoffs are on in the T Household.), I'd say this. Sure, look at a calendar for this month and the next. But try your hardest not to fantasize the events that are further off than that. I've been to weddings in my spanx and not a forgiving maternity dress. I switched hairdressers because during my last cut, I hinted to expanding my family. I've celebrated holidays and birthdays with a different wish than I intended.
I brought those experiences on myself and I made things harder than they needed to be. But... once in a while, it feels right to think about the positive side of what if and have a date on the calendar to mark it by.
I brought those experiences on myself and I made things harder than they needed to be. But... once in a while, it feels right to think about the positive side of what if and have a date on the calendar to mark it by.
Back to the theme of balance - hard to get it right for most of us. I am excited and full of hope for you but also know success is not guaranteed. However, no harm and much fun in imagining the future. Keep it up! New Year's resolutions are way over-rated.
ReplyDeleteResolutions are meant to be broken. Plus, when you're going through infertility, you give up the notion that you have any inkling of control...you don't. You get it. You find the positive because it feels so good (and you madly try to control every other aspect of your life)!
ReplyDeleteResolving to stop imagining is a little like cutting off a life line. Better to relapse than to deprive yourself of the pleasure of dreaming--and internal conversation--at least a bit. I say dream on. You are rooted well.
ReplyDelete