"At least you are staying positive"

As many of you know, I have not have very many positive experiences during my doctors' appointments this year. I actually mentally prepare myself to feel emotionally pummeled with every OB/GYN and RE appointment I have been to and will go to. I had a 6 month dental appointment yesterday. I was slightly anxious. Last March, I was 7 weeks pregnant when I went. I thought it might be time for x-rays, so I asked Dental Hygienist if I needed them and subsequently told her I was expecting. My Dentist's office is unique in that the ENTIRE T family goes there and have been for 30+ years. So, I had to remind her that our news wasn't public and I was only sharing with her out of medical concern.  I also knew that my father in law had an appointment there the next week.  I didn't really think he should learn of his second grandchild's arrival in between spitting out Scope in the little sink and have a crow-bar like device shoved between his teeth (I hate the dentist, if you can't tell).  I also knew that based on HIPPA laws, my secret should be safe. 

Well fast forward to September, 6 months later. I go for my next check up. I am not pregnant nor am I showing off pictures of my premature but healthy baby.  I saw the quizzical look from Dental Hygienist and said, I am not pregnant, I had a miscarriage. I thought I could leave it at that. Then she asked if I had had any surgeries recently and well, she had me. "Yes.", I said. "One D&C two weeks ago, followed by laparoscopic surgery the following day to remove an ectopic pregnancy." She patted my arm and said good things were to come.

Here we are. It's March. I value dental health, so back I went. 

Yesterday started off great. I've been following a strict diet to cut out caffeine, white flour and sugar in an effort to both lose weight and rid my body of toxins.  I'm really at a point where I'll try anything to get pregnant. BUT- it has been working. I lost 7 pounds. SEVEN!!!! Yesterday morning, I asked Mr. T if I looked like I lost weight. He agreed and I finished getting ready with an extra dose of self esteem.

I checked in for my appointment and Dental Hygienist came around the corner. She looked directly at my stomach and exclaimed for the entire office to hear "CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Yes, please re-read that again and let it sink in.

I looked at her with 97 different emotions running through my blood and my soul. And said, "Me. oh no. Furthest thing from it." I couldn't believe I was able to keep walking. I was pretty sure my fragile emotional being had just been fired upon by a firing squad. But I did, and the initial shock of her ignorance gave way to fiery anger.  

Let's review why this is wretched on two levels. 

1. I thought I looked slim and not like someone who is pregnant. So, thanks for calling me chudgy (chubby and pudgy)
2. I am having a really, really hard time getting pregnant and my medical chart just keep getting more grim (more on that in another post). So, thanks for reminding me that I'm not pregnant.

I was there and needed my teeth cleaned so back I went into the chair, laid back put the paper towel on a chain thing around my neck and let this Peach of a Dental Assistant work in my mouth. I tried to lay back and think of anything positive and it struck me that once again I was blindsided. I'm ready for bad news at the RE. Nurse call backs are really never positive. But the DENTIST. I really thought I was in safe territory. 

When Dental Hygienist was able to speak again, she again said, that "Good things would come my way." I muttered, "Yes, one day we will have more children. That's the plan at least." She had no idea how fake my answer felt. That even saying those words made me feel like a fraud. So, it was laughable when she responded. "At least you are staying positive."

If you only knew Dental Hygienist. If you only knew.

And just as a Public Service Announcement:

NEVER EVER say congratulations to a woman of or around childbearing age unless you were there to cut the umbilical cord or instructing her to pant like a dog