The word challenge sounds fun and rewarding. Here are two examples:
I Challenge you to a race.
That was a challenging workout, but I feel so much better now that its over.
Now apply the word challenge to having a baby, not so fun (but hopefully rewarding!!)
I picked up my prescription for Clomid last week to start the Clomid Challenge Test. It sort of feels like a step backward, but remember, we are starting at the beginning with this doctor. The goal would be to see if my body produces more follicles while taking Clomid thus making an IUI a reasonable next step. Now, while the Clomid is running through my endocrine system and wrecking havoc on my emotions, I will prepare for phase two of the monitoring.
Tomorrow I'm scheduled for an HSG test. The purpose of this test is to run dye through my remaining tube to see if its clear and free of scar tissue. It its free and clear AND my body actually responds to the Clomid then maybe just maybe an IUI.
I'm getting the feeling that the stars will all need to align for this to go through.
Now, back to Clomid. It certainly is challenging. The doctor warned me of mood changes. A better description may have been to not panic if I feel like I'm going to jump out of my own skin at any given moment. I think these two little pill have done more emotional damage than the lupron, bravelle and menoupur combined. I have had no patience for the last 48 hours. None.
I realized that trying to set up an iPhone with a mac when I'm a PC girl at heart was a big mistake. Yes, syncing my calendars this morning caused me some tears. But once again, Mr. T to the rescue. He took Toddler T outside all morning. They played soccer, explored the shed and had a picnic lunch in the backyard. I sorted laundry because it felt good to be successful at something. Why is Mr. T even better still? Because I went to the grocery and to a Resolve meeting and he fixed my phone and my computer while I was gone. Why? Because that's what he does.
Now, for my meeting. I'm trying to branch out and find support. Friends and family are amazing and helpful in every way imaginable. But, talking with someone who knows what you mean when you talking about side effects, emotions, fears, treatments because she is doing or has done the same thing, has an important place in the infertility puzzle. So, I was excited to go and maybe talk with some girls who could help me with my first Clomid experience. But sadly, not the case. There was only one other person at the meeting and our issues were totally different. She apologized and said that most of the time there is about 5 people there all dealing with primary fertility. This makes me nervous but perhaps I'll learn some tricks for dealing with medications and procedures. I'll try again next month and will remain optimistic for increasing my support.
The only thing I do now is wait for my 7:15 appointment tomorrow morning. Blood work and an ultrasound to track the progress with the addition of Clomid. It should be pretty straight forward except I have this AWFUL IN MY STOMACH feeling that I already failed the Clomid Challenge Test by starting on the wrong day. I'm not sure where the breakdown occurred, BUT I thought I heard the nurse tell me to start the medication last Wednesday. So that's what it did. A day later I actually looked at my pill bottle and read that it should be taken cycle days 5-9. Great, I started it on cycle day 4. So, I am feeling like this is going to be a bust before it starts.
Is this the Clomid talking? Or am I really becoming unhinged?