Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Forcing a Square Peg into a Round Hole.

It doesn't work and it never will.

I am feeling like I am round part and this IVF cycle is the square peg.

I am feeling defeated, scared and hurt.

I am angry that I can't seem to catch a break.

I am furious at this faceless, heartless thing called Secondary Infertility.

I am tired of getting my blood drawn.

I am tired of holding my breath during an ultrasound; waiting for the confirmation that things look merely OK and not great.

I am tired of feeling a deep hole in my heart whenever I see my son hold a baby.

I want to be hopeful.

I want to believe.

I'm not sure I have the energy for it.

I want to feel lifted up by faith and not let down by it.

I want to feel peace in my heart about whatever comes next.

I am wondering when enough is enough.

I am weary about thinking up a new plan.

I so wished my phone call with the nurse went a little better, perhaps tomorrow's blood work and ultrasound will go better.


  1. Hang in there. IVF is a crazy, crazy ride and really hard. Sending you hugs.


  2. I have no idea what you are feeling each day but have to believe this will all end with a baby in your arms. strong prayers your way! good luck tomorrow! big hugs!

  3. With you on every word you've written esp about seeing your son hold a baby... it breaks my heart every time our daughter talks about having a sibling... not sure what to say anymore. Thinking of you for tomorrow xoxo