It doesn't work and it never will.
I am feeling like I am round part and this IVF cycle is the square peg.
I am feeling defeated, scared and hurt.
I am angry that I can't seem to catch a break.
I am furious at this faceless, heartless thing called Secondary Infertility.
I am tired of getting my blood drawn.
I am tired of holding my breath during an ultrasound; waiting for the confirmation that things look merely OK and not great.
I am tired of feeling a deep hole in my heart whenever I see my son hold a baby.
I want to be hopeful.
I want to believe.
I'm not sure I have the energy for it.
I want to feel lifted up by faith and not let down by it.
I want to feel peace in my heart about whatever comes next.
I am wondering when enough is enough.
I am weary about thinking up a new plan.
I so wished my phone call with the nurse went a little better, perhaps tomorrow's blood work and ultrasound will go better.